Thursday, September 30, 2010

One Of The Gang!

Steven and I just can’t get over how much Connor loves to be with Susanna and Aiden. As he follows them around the house and tries to escape outside with them we say, “He sure wants to be one of the gang!”. Tonight, he insisted on going upstairs with the kids to watch a movie. When I went up to check on them, I found all three of them fast asleep on the couch!  For the first time EVER, he fell asleep without his binky, special taggie blanket, or even his cup of milk. But, I guess you don’t need those things when you are right between your two favorite people in the whole world!

A Cloudy Day At King's Ferry

I was driving home from Savannah today after doing a little shopping, and I was just taken over by the gorgeous clouds over the Ogeechee River. I just had to stop at King's Ferry to take a few pictures! Talk about having my head in the clouds....

We Can Do It.....ALL of it!

Our Grandmother's Genteration

Our Generation

 I wonder sometimes if the women who jumped into the workforce during World War II and after had any idea what the lives that women would look in the generations to come. They were, until the war and the Women's Rights movement, at home cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, and raising their children…many of them dreaming desperately to be able to put the kids on the school bus and then head off to the office! Now that this is completely an option for women, so many of us wish that we could skip the office and just be able to put the kids on the school bus and then head back inside the house to clean, cook, and do the laundry! We never can really be satisfied, can we?!? Seeing these images makes me realize that we, as working mothers, can and have to do it ALL!

I spent the whole decade of my twenties going to college, graduate school, and working hard to build my teaching career. Of course, that wasn't all I was busy with! I was also busy getting married, being a newlywed, and by the end of my twenties, I was already a mother of three small children. It the midst of all of this, if you had asked me if I would ever consider being a "stay at home mom", I would have most certainly let out a loud guffaw and assured you that that would never be of any interest to me. I would have probably said things like, "I would be bored to death at home", or "I have to feel like I am contributing something to the world". My how things have changed! Now in my thirties, with exactly the career that I was so busy building, I wish desperately wish that I wasn't constantly running around completely crazy picking up and dropping of the kids and trying frantically to keep up with everything from grocery shopping to PTO meetings. I find myself day dreaming on the way to work, after dropping off all 3 kids and already running 10 minutes late at 6:30 a.m.,  about a life where I had the option to spend my mornings hanging out with Connor, drinking coffee, and watching The Early Show!

Steven and I actually spent probably close to $300 on lottery tickets the week or so before I was to return to work this summer trying to win enough for me to be able to say home for at least one year! Rest assured, we were playing out of fun in a tongue-in-cheek way fully aware of the odds against us! (He did however scratch one $500 ticket!) The only thought that really gets me through the hard times is trying to remember that this is only one small phase of my life. Before I know it, it will be gone and I will be looking back on my 30s and thinking how incredibly smooth it all went!

While in graduate school, I stumbled across a theory called the "Quarter-Life Crisis' that has really stuck with me all these years. Feel free to google it for yourself, but in a nut shell, it recognizes a certain point that many thirysomethings reach after spending a good decade going to college and building a life and career for themselves. It calls upon the idea that we, just fresh out of own adolescences, are forced to make such enormous decisions like what whether or not we should go to college, what majors we should choose, whether or not to get married, have a baby, etc. All of these decisions often come before we are perhaps fully armed, both with the necessary experience and cognitive ability, to face the outcomes of the choices that we have made. It makes me really wish that we had a pause button to press on our 19th birthday so that our 33 year-old selves could step in and tell us a thing or two about how these decisions will impact our entire future! This is not to say, however, that I would have changed one single thing! If I could take a picture of my life now and hand it to my 19 year-old self, I am sure that I would be completely happy and proud of where I am.....even as chaotic and totally out of control as it sometimes feels! 

Monday, September 27, 2010

Wild Adventure Weekend

We had a super time this weekend at Wild Advenures in Valdosta. It was Aiden's very first Cub Scout campout. He was so excited to get the tent ready with Steven. Not fully understanding what he was in for, he asked Steven if he was going to have "air"in the tent. A few minutest later,  he asked where the TV was going to go inside the tent.  Steven quickly replied, "This is camping son, not our living room!" Once we got back to the campsite later that night, he realized that there were 200 other boys there to play with, so he didn't even miss the TV. We are looking forward to his other campouts this year at Ft. Pulaski and Ft. McAllister, the Rature Center, and even SEA WORLD!! Over President's Day weekend, his pack is camping out INSIDE an exhibit at Sea World! Susanna, Connor, and I are not too interested in the whole tent style camping experiences, so we probably spend most of these weekends having a "girls" night at home or at the nearest Comfort Suites!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

I Miss You, Mom!

Someone told me just after my mom passed away that I would now have a hole left in my heart that would never be able to be filled. She couldn't have captured the feeling any better. Today is the 4th anniversary of my mom's passing. It is such a hard day as I struggle each year with knowing the appropriate way to spend it. It doesn't feel like the day to me really celebrate her life, as it was in fact the day that her life here on Earth ended. Since it wasn't her wish to have a graveside for me to visit, going somewhere and leaving flowers isn't really an option. But each year, somehow, I manage to stumble upon a moment that is just perfect to think of and remember her. I believe that she knows that I am struggling to deal with all of this, so she gives me these little moments from heaven as a precious gift. This year was no different. Tonight, Susanna found a little toy kitten tonight buried in her closet as we were cleaning out and putting away some things. It just happend to be one that my mom had given to her, and named they had named it "Itty Bitty Kitty". Susanna just started chatting away about how happy she was to find the kitty and asking me if I remembered that Nanny had given it to her when she was a baby. This was a beautiful moment to share with Susanna to talk about her Nanny and how much we both miss her.   Thankfully, she did most of the talking so that I was able to hold back my tears. Thanks, mom!

Each year I on this day I have found myself wondering what she would think of the way my life is shaping up if she could come back and share some time with us. This year especially, I know for sure that she would be beaming! I think that she would be so in love with our new house and neighborhood. She would be excited that Susanna and Aiden finally have little friends to play with on our street and that they are in a wonderful school system. I think she would fall in love with our little Connor for sure.  His platinum blond hair and blue eyes would just melt her heart.  She would be putty in his hands, just as she was with Aiden! She would tell me that he looks just like a "Davis" baby!  (It is crazy for me to think that Aiden was just a little older than Connor when we lost her.) I know that she would be so proud of the little lady that her namesake, Susanna, is becoming. She would be glad to know that she is still dancing, and that she is on her way to recieving her First Communion this spring. I think she would be happy to see how thoughtful and kind Aiden is. I know for a fact that she would give me a long lecture about making sure that I am spending enough time with Aiden now that he is my middle child. She would remind me about her sister Sheryl and how she suffered with the "middle child syndrome" her whole life! She would be proud to see him in his little Cub Scout gear, and tell me that keeping him in scouts will pay off divends as he matures into a young man.

I think she would be happy that my dad is now on his own, and that I have managed to reconnect with my sister.  

She would love to seeing Steven! She would enjoy seeing the father and husband that he has become. She would tell me how much his own mother would love to see him, and how lucky I am to have a husband who loves me so much. She would remind me that she always knew that he was special.

 I know that she would be excited about some of the new opportunities that have come my way, but of course, she would be giving me a long lecture about spreading myself too thin and trying to do too many things at one time.

At the end of her stay, I think she would hold my cheeks with her hands and  say, "You're my girl, and you make me proud to be your mama!" Oh how I wish I could hear her say that! I know though that she is telling me that from where she is now. I just keeping praying that if I can listen hard enough I may actually be able to hear her.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

My Little Bobcat!

I am so proud of Aiden. He had his second pack meeting tonight for cub scouts. He earned his Bobcat badge! His Cub Scout pack really seems wonderful. I am so excited about all of the events that they have scheduled for the boys throughout the year. He has a few of his friends from school in his den. I, however, feel like I need to buy a "Cub Scouts for Dummies" book. I am still trying to figure out the different requirements for beads, belt loops, patches, and pins!